5th March, 2018
I didn’t sleep Sunday night.
I stayed awake for almost 48-hours.
I would not recommend doing this.
Ever.
Me and Molly decided to spend all night watching movies and playing on the SNES Classic Mini (yup, we got one).
We played Mario Kart *don’t start off on 100cc if you’ve never played the ‘old school’ version*, Yoshi World and Street Fighter.
Anywho, it got to around 6:00/7:00 am, and we thought it’d be a great idea to go beefcake it up at the gym. I can’t remember the last time I even went to a gym before today. Not even the new Pokémon games have gyms anymore, so it’s been a while.
It was pretty dead inside, I’ll be honest. Some guy with long hair was making A LOT of noise when he was squatting (I was convinced he was about to shit himself). It came to a point where there was a smell next to the cross trainers, that genuinely did smell like somebody HAD shat themselves.
We left shortly after witnessing that.
Now the events leading up to this are all sort of a blur, and I’ve had to be reminded of what happened by Molly.
Several hours had passed now, and we were walking back from college (the time was about 16:15 PM).
We ventured into Wilko to grab some photo frames to spruce up the apartment, and make it look more homely (£40 odd later). At this point, we began to feel pretty peckish, so thought it be a good idea to head into Tesco to grab some hotdogs (little did we know, this was in fact a terrible idea).
I started to feel somewhat odd. I assumed it was because I hadn’t eaten since about
11:00 am this morning, and that I just needed some damn sugar.
Again, I was wrong.
We approached the hotdogs, after I had retrieved the brioche buns (£1.20 for eight! Bargain!).
This is where shit. got. real.
I looked at Molly and said “I feel funny“.
She looked at me and said “what’s wrong?”
It then went from 0-100 real quick because I simply looked at her and said..
“I’m going to have a fit“.
NOW JUST TO STEP IN A SECOND HERE..
THIS IS COMING FROM A DUDE WHO HAS NEVER, EVER HAD A SEIZURE IN HIS LIFE.
(Just to get that outta’ the way).
My eyes rolled back into my head.
I collapsed.
She caught me.
She screamed for help, as she lay there with me on the floor whilst I was spazzing and foaming all over the hotdog isle.
Various customers ran to the scene, along with numerous Tesco staff.
Must’ve been pretty hungry because I started to swallow my tongue. Some guy called Craig (shoutout to Craig) helped pull it outta’ my throat.
I woke up not really knowing what went on.
Obviously.
Molly said at first when I asked what was going on, I seemed frightened.
Until I asked her again, and she said my response was “oh for fuck sake“.
The weirdest part about this whole experience is the fact it feels like theres this HUGE chunk of memory missing that I just can’t access.
Like its been deleted or something?
Bizarre.
The paramedic described a seizure as being almost like a system reboot, which is the reason I can’t remember quite as much as I’d like to.
He was also wearing a GoPro..
.. Which I later on found out is because I’m actually going to be on TV at some point this year! On a programme called Inside The Ambulance on W.
Stay tuned.
Once we got to A&E, it took them the short time of 8 FUCKING HOURS to see me.
We’re still unsure as to what caused the seizure.
I’ll have more tests in the next coming weeks.
Here’s a picture of me in A&E eating a burger at 4am.
Life. 